Temporary

Circle of life and death and everything in between. I hope to find my current self truly hilarious once I'm thirty. It doesn't matter how much you smoke, how many allies you loiter in, how many piercings, tattoos or criminal offences you get, it's all been done, all of it. So. You just can't really go that wrong, can you? For those who have read Shantaram, they will understand what I mean when I say it is vital to our survival that we fall in love with as many different people as possible, and cling to that love with everyone until the day we die. It is well known that the English love to surround themselves with a bubble, barrier, wall, whatever you wish to call it. And I think that is a sad way to live. Being reserved, conservative in the non-politics sense, is ingraining in a lot of us.

I write a lot of shit. A lot of profound bullshit that I know nothing of yet...and I have always admitted the latter, but still. Contentment over happiness, right? I've written a few poems about that, but I can't publish them yet because they are going into my module portfolio.

I love getting marks for hobbies I would do anyway.

So It's nearly Christmas and everybody is feeling the burn. Our minds our tired, cognition unfocused, dreary and yet becoming sure. We all know ourselves, even if it seems cooler not to. Everybody, especially in England, wants to relish in the dilemmas of young life at one point or another. Some, like myself, enjoyed that traumatic yet deliciously dramatic phase when I was about 15, loitering in alleyways, making a point of drinking the cheapest vodka, neat, then praising my hangover the next morning amongst the smoke and dirt riddled bodies of my friends. As much fun as that was, I've become too cynical to want that again. It must be said, I am looking forward to being my own adult, instead of my parents'. Not that I'm not grateful.

The Phase of Loving Life's Little Dilemmas. Those years sitting on a cold wall during the early hours of Sunday morning, disgusting and waiting for Macdonald's to open, have been my favourite so far. There is nothing like a common enemy to bind a group of people together, and when that enemy is middle class life in general? Well.

I'm looking forward. Because if you look back with contempt, the future's brightness will be forever dimmed. I know who I am, and what I am capable of...in the future. Even though I feel like I'm 28 and perfectly capable of becoming that suave woman stalking down Oxford Street in a trench coat, Mulberry, screaming down a mobile phone the size of a postage stamp clasped in my haloed left hand, it's become a question of the right now. Dirty dishes, laundry and essays.