Chivalry

As long as there are still men out there making a conscious effort to be chivalrous, chivalry won’t die.

The question of the presence of chivalry in modern society has been a constant debate over the last 40 years. Personally, I am a huge fan of it and have complete faith in its existence, but there are some who are not. ‘Chivalry is dead’ is a phrase often tossed about the drunken halls of university (along side religion, sexism, class and plenty of other viciously opinionated topics.)

The initial thing to note is where it came from, and how the modern world (especially the progression of women) has changed it. It originated from the Middle Ages, and applied to those honoured with knighthood. They were trained, not only in combat, but also in pursuing a noble way of living, seeking to preserve beauty, truth and honour. This was translated into fairytale, princesses locked in towers being rescued by their knight on a white horse. Of course there is the notion that once rescued, they would marry said knight, give him lots of beautiful sons, then cook for him and fuck him until the end of her days. Instantly, we have a problem. The fact that I even thought of that latter part shows that I have been exposed to a world of “modern women”, a notion truly defined by firstly the suffragettes (not the suffragists I hasten to add) and secondly the eighties.

The fact that women have rightly taken a more prominent place in the world has created difficulty for these poor men. We want to be respected as equals, independent and allowed to follow any life path we choose. However, we also want our meals and cinema tickets paid for, doors opened for us and to be gently moved to the inside of the pavement while men naturally take the curb side. How on earth can we expect the poor chaps to know what we want? It’s tough. But a balance can be achieved.

I have a friend back home who is a gentleman, chivalrous, I guess. He jokes and teases but is fiercely loyal and protective of the women in his life, at the same time demonstrating all the typical traits of a gentleman. In the time I have known him, I have never felt beneath him, stupider or less worthy of things like work and education than him in anyway. Traditional yet accommodating. Kudos to his parents, I think they have raised him well. I think I could count maybe a maximum of 5 men I know to have this quality of opinion and behaviour. It’s a shame it is that little, but I’m hoping that number might grow in time.

I also know some who are convinced chivalry is dead, that it is a fantasy. Maybe this is true of the fairytale strain of it. But in my opinion, if we broke the word down it would separate into these components:

- Politeness

- Kindness

- Slightly old fashioned yet modernised social etiquette

- An innate generosity (personality wise, not "buy me lots of diamonds please" wise.)

- Pride

Men just aren’t attracted to the idea of being these things anymore. As in the case of women, men have changed. Inevitably. In an extreme example, we take rappers/singers such as 50 cent or Justin Timberlake. In their music videos they are sat on their arsed while women fling themselves at them. Somehow, this is respected. Is it that men now want to be pursued? Why is there a recent lacklustre in being seen as a white knight in shining armour? (A point to make, but one I cannot be arsed to go into, is the fact that the modern woman often goes for ‘bad guy’ characters. This is yet another cruel blow to the chivalrous male. Well done girls! Morons…)

However, I don't think that men should have to do all this work. We are in a new era of equality. I'm a poor student, as is my boyfriend and we are both jobless. Boo frickin hoo, still doesn't mean that he should pay for everything! This is not me being a feminist, this is just good sense. If women want to be treated equally, logically, we have to act like equals. Money can be such a big deal, especially in reference to chivalry, but that's where I think people get the wrong impression. Chivalry is NOT about money, it's about character and behaviour.

In conclusion, I think chivalry is alive and well, but the problem is a combination of some women rejecting it, believing it to weaken their sex, and men having no pride in it, seeing it as being “whipped” instead of knightly. A crying shame, because it is a quality many women look for, and no matter how the world changes, little girls will always grow up dreaming of their prince.

Shame Disney seems to have managed to big up a lot of men out of proportion and has underestimated how douchey some women make it their life’s work to be.

Writing

Writing songs, blogs, music. Painting. Filmmaking. Dance. Art. It's all about expression, expressing something that deserves more than just a conversation, words that are just utterances. Lost on the ears or eyes of the ignorant, dead moths swept away in a breeze. It's a compulsion. Personally, I have to write. Otherwise, I don't quite know what I'd do with myself. For others it's different, obviously. Could even be knitting. But the point is, everybody needs a personal outlet. A route carved by our innermost thoughts that even we don't fully understand. What do we hope to achieve by allowing them to flow out into a public world? Serenity? Peace and quiet? Recognition that we aren't quite as barmy as we initially thought...Maybe it's because beauty is admired, therefore everybody wants to create something beautiful...something to be really admired. Would I write so much if I didn't think that maybe, somewhere in this crashing world, someone might just read it?

You know what. I would. You, reader, are currently witnessing my direct thought process, so excuse me if it isn't as eloquent as some of my other bits. Why why why do we express ourselves...Why is it something we need to do. Inspiration. Curiosity? Some would explain it away as part of the soul, that unexplainable weight that leaves us when we die. The soul...expression...needs...compulsions...art...masterpieces...beauty. Turmoil.

The universe always presents away for getting rid of the strongest creature of the world. For dinosaurs, it was partly a bloody meteor. Casual. Maybe more subtly, for humans, it's humans. But there is a reason we are at the top of the food chain. Intelligence, yes, but I think it's also this soul thing. The soul pushes us to do more than just to survive and recreate. It encourages us to write. To sing. Etc, etc. I'm going around in circles trying to explain the unexplainable. I guess this just adds to the long list of things we will never know, maybe not even after we pop our clogs and barefoot it into the light.

I fucking hate that list.

It's not a great one, but it'll do.

My fist too large to clutch your thumb,

My hands can meet around your back.

My ears are wise to old man's pun,

My eyes too keen to see your lack.

You are protector and teacher.

You are annoyance and joy.

The guide I need and my lawyer,

The beaming smile that brought me toys.

A CD walkman in a church,

A glass walking cane by the sea.

But these material objects,

Are never needed to keep me

Close. We are the same, you and I.

We shout, we shriek, faces turned pink.

We curse, we glare, ice in our eye.

You make me so angry, but think

Of times well spent in grassy fields,

Games over played in summertime.

Deep debates over cooling meals,

A night spent talking over rhymes.

I am ashamed that I forget

Treasured memories, moments so dear.

True, Father, I owe you great debt,

Just remember to give me years

Of future times, of genuine trust.

Secrets unlocked, teen angst faded.

Promise your mind won't turn to dust.

Pending friendship, not evaded.

Change

We only hate change when we can find no reasoning for it. It is a well known thing. People don't like change. Which is partially true. Dare I use Facebook as a reference, but every time they alter the layout there is uproar and fury. But change is necessary. In everything, from language to activity to relationships to...well, life I guess. This piece is about self-motivation to stand up and do something that's difficult, rather than fun and difficult. We work hard on the things we love. For me at the moment, that is a play, drama. What I need to do is sort out the other kind of drama. I'm going to keep it obscure, but let's just say, in this case, change is vital.

It is, of course, extremely rewarding to spend your time doing things that may be difficult, but you enjoy them and you know they are going to end well enough. Where is the motivation in talking about things you don't want to talk about, going out of your way to do things you don't want to do? Personal Gain. That is what drives us, and it is a pitiful thought. Who is really selfless? Even the little old woman who gave her sixpence (all she had) to charity must have felt a little pleased with herself, it's natural. This is a very cynical view, but with selflessness comes an immediate lack of it. Automatically.

We overcome this by doing as much as we can to help other people. Fine. But it must be acceptable to help oneself, to put yourself first a couple of times. And this isn't having a long hot bath instead of doing the gardening, or reading a magazine instead of writing your essay. This is forcing yourself to talk, to stand up for yourself, and not try to control the consequences. It has to be done. We will see what it does.